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+---
+title: "Past Review 0"
+date: 2022-12-03T14:16:49+08:00
+categories: Essay
+tags:
+- English
+- jibber-jabber
+- past-review
+description: This is the first article in the past-review series.
+draft: true
+---
+## Why
+
+Everybody has a past since the day they were born. So do I. The past
+events affect our present life somehow. I have a lot of old things to
+tell. Therefore, this is the new topic *Past Review*, in which I will
+write down some of the old things. I think writing down them would
+somehow release me from them.
+
+It is a little boring for me to stay at the hospital seeing different
+people doing different things with few tools I can use. But luckily, I
+get my computer and smartphone here. They enable me to write something
+conveniently.
+
+By the way, I think my English writing skills downgrades quickly. Bad
+vocabulary, bad grammar, and bad fluency. It might be related to my long
+time without writing in English or my mind is kind of chaotic currently.
+But I continue to write this in English. Because I don't ever expect
+somebody would read this except myself. And this is also a start of
+practice.
+
+## At First
+
+At first, it backs to when I was studying at No.1 High School Attached
+to CCNU at 2016 (or maybe 2015) for my second year of high school
+education. My illness starts at one day when I got up very late.
+
+It was not the first time I got up late. It was quite common for me to
+get up late and I was always feeling sleepy at morning. Sometimes I got
+up late and went to classroom later with my name in the list of getting
+late.
+
+But that time, I just lay on my bed without any move. Then somehow my
+mother, who were working at my dormitory as an everyday life teacher,
+found I don't go to classroom.
+
+And that's the first time or maybe not the first time, I got **stuck**
+on something I don't know.
+
+My mother then called my father to school. What I said is not remembered
+by me. What I do remember is that I said I didn't want to study in that
+school because from middle school I had been against studying there all
+the time, although it was one of the best high schools across China.
+
+My father was angry. I don't remember what he said either. But like
+above, I do remember he said should I go to local high school, I would
+have to keep my grades good in the top 50. It's not a totally ridiculous
+requirement. But whatever, it's mean. And I feel bad.
+
+The worst thing is that it was the first time of me to feel broken and
+freaking out. I felt I was going to be crazy and the earth down my feet
+was rotating. I told my father about these feelings. He was silent then.
+
+Then we went to a nearby hospital for a psychology doctor. After the
+doctor asked me some questions and I answered her that I never felt
+happy, she thought I got depression and made a prescription including
+some Chinese Ancient medicine and a small machine to stimulate sleeping.
+
+That day I felt awful. And since then, big change of my whole life
+happened nearly every day.
+
+## Temporarily Stop
+
+I know my expression looks wired somehow. Again, it might be caused by
+my chaotic mind and memory. And I'm not so good at writing long English
+article.
+
+But the most important thing is not how good this assay is. The
+important thing is I remember some of my old memories and I can write
+them down. The only demand is that the text should be understood by at
+least myself.