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---
title: "Past Review 0"
date: 2022-12-03T14:16:49+08:00
categories: Essay
tags:
- English
- jibber-jabber
- past-review
description: This is the first article in the past-review series.
draft: true
---
## Why
Everybody has a past since the day they were born. So do I. The past
events affect our present life somehow. I have a lot of old things to
tell. Therefore, this is the new topic *Past Review*, in which I will
write down some of the old things. I think writing down them would
somehow release me from them.
It is a little boring for me to stay at the hospital seeing different
people doing different things with few tools I can use. But luckily, I
get my computer and smartphone here. They enable me to write something
conveniently.
By the way, I think my English writing skills downgrades quickly. Bad
vocabulary, bad grammar, and bad fluency. It might be related to my long
time without writing in English or my mind is kind of chaotic currently.
But I continue to write this in English. Because I don't ever expect
somebody would read this except myself. And this is also a start of
practice.
## At First
At first, it backs to when I was studying at No.1 High School Attached
to CCNU at 2016 (or maybe 2015) for my second year of high school
education. My illness starts at one day when I got up very late.
It was not the first time I got up late. It was quite common for me to
get up late and I was always feeling sleepy at morning. Sometimes I got
up late and went to classroom later with my name in the list of getting
late.
But that time, I just lay on my bed without any move. Then somehow my
mother, who were working at my dormitory as an everyday life teacher,
found I don't go to classroom.
And that's the first time or maybe not the first time, I got **stuck**
on something I don't know.
My mother then called my father to school. What I said is not remembered
by me. What I do remember is that I said I didn't want to study in that
school because from middle school I had been against studying there all
the time, although it was one of the best high schools across China.
My father was angry. I don't remember what he said either. But like
above, I do remember he said should I go to local high school, I would
have to keep my grades good in the top 50. It's not a totally ridiculous
requirement. But whatever, it's mean. And I feel bad.
The worst thing is that it was the first time of me to feel broken and
freaking out. I felt I was going to be crazy and the earth down my feet
was rotating. I told my father about these feelings. He was silent then.
Then we went to a nearby hospital for a psychology doctor. After the
doctor asked me some questions and I answered her that I never felt
happy, she thought I got depression and made a prescription including
some Chinese Ancient medicine and a small machine to stimulate sleeping.
That day I felt awful. And since then, big change of my whole life
happened nearly every day.
## Temporarily Stop
I know my expression looks wired somehow. Again, it might be caused by
my chaotic mind and memory. And I'm not so good at writing long English
article.
But the most important thing is not how good this assay is. The
important thing is I remember some of my old memories and I can write
them down. The only demand is that the text should be understood by at
least myself.
|
