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----
-title: "Past Review 0"
-date: 2022-12-03T14:16:49+08:00
-categories: Essay
-tags:
-- English
-- jibber-jabber
-- past-review
-description: This is the first article in the past-review series.
-draft: true
----
-## Why
-
-Everybody has a past since the day they were born. So do I. The past
-events affect our present life somehow. I have a lot of old things to
-tell. Therefore, this is the new topic *Past Review*, in which I will
-write down some of the old things. I think writing down them would
-somehow release me from them.
-
-It is a little boring for me to stay at the hospital seeing different
-people doing different things with few tools I can use. But luckily, I
-get my computer and smartphone here. They enable me to write something
-conveniently.
-
-By the way, I think my English writing skills downgrades quickly. Bad
-vocabulary, bad grammar, and bad fluency. It might be related to my long
-time without writing in English or my mind is kind of chaotic currently.
-But I continue to write this in English. Because I don't ever expect
-somebody would read this except myself. And this is also a start of
-practice.
-
-## At First
-
-At first, it backs to when I was studying at No.1 High School Attached
-to CCNU at 2016 (or maybe 2015) for my second year of high school
-education. My illness starts at one day when I got up very late.
-
-It was not the first time I got up late. It was quite common for me to
-get up late and I was always feeling sleepy at morning. Sometimes I got
-up late and went to classroom later with my name in the list of getting
-late.
-
-But that time, I just lay on my bed without any move. Then somehow my
-mother, who were working at my dormitory as an everyday life teacher,
-found I don't go to classroom.
-
-And that's the first time or maybe not the first time, I got **stuck**
-on something I don't know.
-
-My mother then called my father to school. What I said is not remembered
-by me. What I do remember is that I said I didn't want to study in that
-school because from middle school I had been against studying there all
-the time, although it was one of the best high schools across China.
-
-My father was angry. I don't remember what he said either. But like
-above, I do remember he said should I go to local high school, I would
-have to keep my grades good in the top 50. It's not a totally ridiculous
-requirement. But whatever, it's mean. And I feel bad.
-
-The worst thing is that it was the first time of me to feel broken and
-freaking out. I felt I was going to be crazy and the earth down my feet
-was rotating. I told my father about these feelings. He was silent then.
-
-Then we went to a nearby hospital for a psychology doctor. After the
-doctor asked me some questions and I answered her that I never felt
-happy, she thought I got depression and made a prescription including
-some Chinese Ancient medicine and a small machine to stimulate sleeping.
-
-That day I felt awful. And since then, big change of my whole life
-happened nearly every day.
-
-## Temporarily Stop
-
-I know my expression looks wired somehow. Again, it might be caused by
-my chaotic mind and memory. And I'm not so good at writing long English
-article.
-
-But the most important thing is not how good this assay is. The
-important thing is I remember some of my old memories and I can write
-them down. The only demand is that the text should be understood by at
-least myself.